Don't have a lot to add to the other two posts, but I did want to say something on the topic of divorce. Is it permissible? Well, biblically speaking, it is under a couple circumstances - adultery and abandonment (domestic abuse probably falls under the latter). There really isn't any instruction regarding the concept of separation (living apart, perhaps temporarily, but not divorced), so I won't say much about it either.
What I would like to say is, avoid it! For all practical purposes, jettison the idea from your vocabulary. Most of us are not subjected to the situations above. "Irreconcileable differences" they call it. Baloney. All differences can be reconciled in a way that allows a selfless, biblical-loving relationship to continue and, in time, thrive. God is the God of reconciliation. He changes hearts. Even hard ones.
Just because we have legal permission to divorce, say they commit adultery, doesn't mean we have to cast them out. Consider Hosea's treatment of Gomer (Hosea chapter 3), symbolic of God's relationship to us (persistent adulterers in our relationship with him). God doesn't simply divorce us, even though he is incredibly, justifiably entitled to do so! No, he lovingly and long-sufferingly calls us back to himself. Provided your spouse is repentant and wants your forgiveness, I would advise giving it to them. Shoot, do everything you can to help them do so. If you were unfaithful, repent and seek forgiveness. Easier said than done for sure, but a temporary period of hardship is so worth the fruit of a thriving relationship later.
If they up and leave (abandonment), I'd say it may likely be worth a shot (or shots) at trying to persuade them to reconcile and come back.
Get counsel from multiple Godly people if these situations arise. I say Godly because if they don't seek the Lord's will for their lives, they have no business counseling you. And be wise about marriage, yours will be tested! Never a bad idea to seek counseling early on, even when things are "okay", to help each other cope with the changes and see that the other is committed to building a life together. Don't wait until things break down to begin construction. Fortify from the start. Every single day be going about strengthening your marriage.
Anyway, that's enough on that. Hate divorce. Love forgiveness and reconciliation.
I love you all!
Dad
Saturday, October 1, 2016
Community
Seems my posts are getting farther apart. Ironic, seeing as how frequently I'm tormented by thoughts of being taken from you (kids you love so much will do that to you!).
I try to placate myself by reminding myself of two things - 1) our existence here is so ephemeral compared to what's in store, where I hope to enjoy life with you all once more, forevermore, and 2) your mom shouldn't have too much trouble finding a great guy down the road that will be able to love on you in my absence. I don't want you to give him a hard time if that happens. None of that "you're not my dad" stuff. God and I give them permission to be your dad (just like God gave me permission to be yours).
So what I wanted to emphasize today is the importance of surrounding yourself with Christian family. For one, God said in Genesis when creating man that it was not good that he be alone. Secondly, Jesus revealed that our true family (which may, if we are so fortunate, include our blood family) is centered around God:
"Who is my mother and who are my brothers?" And he stretched out his hand toward his disciples and said, "Here are my mother and my brothers! For whoever does the will of my father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother." - Matthew 12:48-50
And there are many of us:
"Consequently, you are no longer foreigners and strangers, but fellow citizens with God's people and also members of his household." - Ephesians 2:19
"For if you belong to Christ, you are Abraham's offspring, heirs according to promise" - Galatians 3:29
"I will surely bless you and make your descendants as numerous as the stars in the sky and as the sand on the seashore." - Genesis 22:17
Wise King Solomon sums up the blessing of fellowship and community well:
"Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not easily broken." - Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
I'm reminded of the JRR Tolkien book/movie the Lord of the Rings, where Frodo owns the incredibly daunting task of venturing across the known world, into the dark land of Mordor, to destroy Sauron's ring in the volcano, Mt Doom. His gardener, the faithful Samwise, accompanies him the whole way, refusing to leave his side under any circumstances, even carrying him when he is too weak to continue. Pretty powerful image of the blessing of compassionate company along our journey through life.
The bonds of brotherhood are not quickly or easily formed. It is often true that fellow Christians may come to our aid when we need it, but there is a God-given need for fellowship, requiring an intimate bond of the heart, and that takes much time and effort to build. We are our brother/sister's surrogate Jesus, and they ours, until that time when he brings us to his side.
Gist is, don't be a loner! Life is simply too hard to attempt on our own. Invest your time in building the bonds of fellowship. Share your life openly and gratefully with those the Lord brings alongside. Doing so will enrich your life greatly. Next best thing to heaven itself.
I love you all!
Dad
I try to placate myself by reminding myself of two things - 1) our existence here is so ephemeral compared to what's in store, where I hope to enjoy life with you all once more, forevermore, and 2) your mom shouldn't have too much trouble finding a great guy down the road that will be able to love on you in my absence. I don't want you to give him a hard time if that happens. None of that "you're not my dad" stuff. God and I give them permission to be your dad (just like God gave me permission to be yours).
So what I wanted to emphasize today is the importance of surrounding yourself with Christian family. For one, God said in Genesis when creating man that it was not good that he be alone. Secondly, Jesus revealed that our true family (which may, if we are so fortunate, include our blood family) is centered around God:
"Who is my mother and who are my brothers?" And he stretched out his hand toward his disciples and said, "Here are my mother and my brothers! For whoever does the will of my father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother." - Matthew 12:48-50
And there are many of us:
"Consequently, you are no longer foreigners and strangers, but fellow citizens with God's people and also members of his household." - Ephesians 2:19
"For if you belong to Christ, you are Abraham's offspring, heirs according to promise" - Galatians 3:29
"I will surely bless you and make your descendants as numerous as the stars in the sky and as the sand on the seashore." - Genesis 22:17
Wise King Solomon sums up the blessing of fellowship and community well:
"Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not easily broken." - Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
I'm reminded of the JRR Tolkien book/movie the Lord of the Rings, where Frodo owns the incredibly daunting task of venturing across the known world, into the dark land of Mordor, to destroy Sauron's ring in the volcano, Mt Doom. His gardener, the faithful Samwise, accompanies him the whole way, refusing to leave his side under any circumstances, even carrying him when he is too weak to continue. Pretty powerful image of the blessing of compassionate company along our journey through life.
The bonds of brotherhood are not quickly or easily formed. It is often true that fellow Christians may come to our aid when we need it, but there is a God-given need for fellowship, requiring an intimate bond of the heart, and that takes much time and effort to build. We are our brother/sister's surrogate Jesus, and they ours, until that time when he brings us to his side.
Gist is, don't be a loner! Life is simply too hard to attempt on our own. Invest your time in building the bonds of fellowship. Share your life openly and gratefully with those the Lord brings alongside. Doing so will enrich your life greatly. Next best thing to heaven itself.
I love you all!
Dad
Saturday, August 6, 2016
Love and Marriage Pt 2
Finally getting back to this post...
4) You may hear the phrase "happy wife, happy life". That, for the most part, is quite true. When she's happy, you will be happy. Kinda hard to have the latter without the former. However, that doesn't mean that you shouldn't concede every point of debate just to be happy. It does mean you need to communicate and debate in a loving manner so that you both can remain happy. There is almost always a happy middle ground when you are divided in opinion. Seek it out each time and you'll keep a peaceful, happy house.
5) I've found I'm happiest in my life/marriage whenever I consistently adopt Christ's humble servant attitude. As the psalmist says, "I'd rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God than dwell in the tents of the wicked". This holds true in marriage as well. Don't strive for selfish interests. Make sure she has her cake and then you can have your piece. Don't keep score over who does what. Be the servant and do everything you possibly can for her (yes, even if it leaves you dead tired). If she is the godly woman I hope you end up with, she will seek to do the same for you and share the burdens.
6) Be merciful! You will probably be able to find a hundred things a day to nit pick your wife over. Resist the urge and maintain the peace. If you must address something (same thing happening over and over?), sandwich it in between a bunch of I love yous and use the sweetest tone you possibly can. Better to deal with things promptly that make you cringe every time you see it happen. If you're angry, wait until it fades before coming back to it (it will - refer to #'s 4 & 5 if you need motivation). Remember, she may not always be so merciful in return. That's on her. The better you are at your end, the better she'll likely be (or get) at hers.
Enough for now. Perhaps more later!
Love you!
Dad
4) You may hear the phrase "happy wife, happy life". That, for the most part, is quite true. When she's happy, you will be happy. Kinda hard to have the latter without the former. However, that doesn't mean that you shouldn't concede every point of debate just to be happy. It does mean you need to communicate and debate in a loving manner so that you both can remain happy. There is almost always a happy middle ground when you are divided in opinion. Seek it out each time and you'll keep a peaceful, happy house.
5) I've found I'm happiest in my life/marriage whenever I consistently adopt Christ's humble servant attitude. As the psalmist says, "I'd rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God than dwell in the tents of the wicked". This holds true in marriage as well. Don't strive for selfish interests. Make sure she has her cake and then you can have your piece. Don't keep score over who does what. Be the servant and do everything you possibly can for her (yes, even if it leaves you dead tired). If she is the godly woman I hope you end up with, she will seek to do the same for you and share the burdens.
6) Be merciful! You will probably be able to find a hundred things a day to nit pick your wife over. Resist the urge and maintain the peace. If you must address something (same thing happening over and over?), sandwich it in between a bunch of I love yous and use the sweetest tone you possibly can. Better to deal with things promptly that make you cringe every time you see it happen. If you're angry, wait until it fades before coming back to it (it will - refer to #'s 4 & 5 if you need motivation). Remember, she may not always be so merciful in return. That's on her. The better you are at your end, the better she'll likely be (or get) at hers.
Enough for now. Perhaps more later!
Love you!
Dad
It's a Girl!
Well, my sons, it looks like you're going to be the proud older brothers to a lovely young lady. Your mom and I just found out a sister is on the way! Not sure if I'll update the site to include notes to all of you or start a separate blog just for her.
Exciting!
Love ya,
Dad
Exciting!
Love ya,
Dad
Wednesday, July 27, 2016
Love and Marriage Pt 1
I guess this collection of wisdom impartation wouldn't be complete without something on love and marriage. This is a pretty big topic, so I'll probably end up breaking it up into many segments. I'll try to hit some highlights first. Random stuff - whatever comes to mind.
#1 Some people say they are "called" to be single. I put that in quotes because Jesus doesn't really call us to anything other than himself and his great commission. That's simply their preference, and I must say, most people don't fit that category. Many that claim so are downright miserable, neglecting a God-given desire to, in fact, be married. Bottom line, if you feel yourself wanting to be married - do yourself a favor and get married.
#2 Do yourself a favor and marry your best friend. You're going to spend the rest of your life with her, after all. Marry that girl you can't live without.
#3 Consider your "love languages". This was the theme of a popular book on the subject of relating to your spouse. If you feel most loved through physical affection (like me), it certainly helps if she does too - or at least puts a priority on it. Ignoring each other's love language will leave you miserable. Skim the book - you'll get the idea.
More to come...
Love you!
Dad
Don't Settle
My heart aches today. Just received word from your mom that the teenage son of dear family friends died today. The details are not important. What is important to recognize, however, is that this life is fleeting. I'm approaching midlife statistically (if I'm not there already), but am not guaranteed even another breath. People all around me die every day, some famous, some not. All headed to the same endpoint of this life - death and the judgment (Hebrews 9:27).
Life here is tragic. Life hereafter doesn't have to be. To keep this simple, I just want to say don't ever settle for what little a worldly life here can offer. We are all immortal. Our existence here is but a blip on the eternal "timeline". How we spend the rest of our eternal lives is incomparably more important than the time spent here.
Secure your eternal destiny by placing your life, your hope, your trust in the hands of Jesus. You may end up listening to me or not, but that is the wisdom I would lovingly impart to you, my sons, with my whole heart. One of my greatest desires is to share that abundant life Jesus promised, glorified, fulfilled and satisfied, joyful and at peace in God's presence, forever - with you.
I love you,
Dad
Life here is tragic. Life hereafter doesn't have to be. To keep this simple, I just want to say don't ever settle for what little a worldly life here can offer. We are all immortal. Our existence here is but a blip on the eternal "timeline". How we spend the rest of our eternal lives is incomparably more important than the time spent here.
Secure your eternal destiny by placing your life, your hope, your trust in the hands of Jesus. You may end up listening to me or not, but that is the wisdom I would lovingly impart to you, my sons, with my whole heart. One of my greatest desires is to share that abundant life Jesus promised, glorified, fulfilled and satisfied, joyful and at peace in God's presence, forever - with you.
I love you,
Dad
Saturday, July 23, 2016
Means of Grace
It's really very simple. The answer to one's spiritual dryness, one's moral decay, one's feelings of purposelessness, anxiety, or loneliness. The life and blessed spiritual fruit that comes from being rooted in Christ requires daily maintenance. The world, the devil, and our own sinful inclinations aim to uproot us from God, promising "freedom" and fulfillment. They can't deliver what was meant to only come from a connectedness to our Lord.
What maintenance am I talking about? Things like prayer, studying/meditating on God's word, worshiping with fellow Christ followers, taking part in communion, acts of service, etc. These kinds of things are called the "means of grace". The means by which we experience God's grace, his abundant life and power.
Make time for these. You may not see immediate results (sometimes you will!), but lasting change takes time and consistency. A body builder, a magnificent oak, Rome (choose your analogy) is not made in a day. Put in the work and you'll reap the reward. You'll see yourself becoming a strong, confident, courageous, spirit-filled man of God. No longer a mopey, self-pitying mess. A man able to meet his potential.
That's all for now. I love you guys!
Dad
PS - (27 July) - Funny. Have been rereading some older posts. This one seems very similar to the one from January. Guess that means its doubly important! : )
What maintenance am I talking about? Things like prayer, studying/meditating on God's word, worshiping with fellow Christ followers, taking part in communion, acts of service, etc. These kinds of things are called the "means of grace". The means by which we experience God's grace, his abundant life and power.
Make time for these. You may not see immediate results (sometimes you will!), but lasting change takes time and consistency. A body builder, a magnificent oak, Rome (choose your analogy) is not made in a day. Put in the work and you'll reap the reward. You'll see yourself becoming a strong, confident, courageous, spirit-filled man of God. No longer a mopey, self-pitying mess. A man able to meet his potential.
That's all for now. I love you guys!
Dad
PS - (27 July) - Funny. Have been rereading some older posts. This one seems very similar to the one from January. Guess that means its doubly important! : )
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